Happy, damn happy

How the hell did it end up like this?
It hurts when I’m clenching my fists
I can’t see what all I might miss
I’ve forgotten the last time we kissed

And I walk out the door, angry, sad maybe
Anything, just far from happy, damn happy

Tell me why we had to have our ways
When it was calamity both ways?
Why do we have those oh-so-bad days?
Seeming like, all the time, always.

And I walk out the door, angry, sad maybe
Anything, just far from happy, damn happy

Give me a reason why I should try
When my love’s already by the by
No point in asking myself why
I’m letting the memory run dry

So I walked out the door, angry, but sad I won’t be
Maybe I will soon be happy, damn happy

Deepti Bhat, Oct 2008

Will live without you

I’m falling apart and you can’t see it
When I’m right here in front of you
You’ve put on your blinding cloth
You can’t stand what for myself I do

I’ve already lost everything I had
And you still want more, don’t you?
You want to bend me to your will
Maybe I look like a ragdoll to you

You feel good pushing me to the edge
Even better making me long for you
I’m left with nothing and nobody
And I can’t even, can’t ever have you

I gave a damn for the wide world
And now that world might include you
I’m grabbing at emptiness I know
But that’s everything compared to you

Maybe I’m one in many commons
But I won’t anymore belong to you
You can move on and find others
I will learn to live without you

Deepti Bhat, Oct 2008

It hurts

It hurts to look at you these days
I have no one left to talk to.
While I try to bear the pain
I can’t ever hate you, see?
Not For what you were,
Maybe for what you turned me into.

That smile won’t cheer me now
Frozen though in time
Not after what you put me through
I wipe away a tear or two.
Remember? I clicked the picture
When you and I were nine.

One slit wrist and you were gone
Out of sight, not out of mind
You fenced out the world
Why did that include me?
You leave me blaming myself
What solace can I find?

A tight slap on your cheek
A hug to make you feel better
If anything could get you back
I swear I’d grab the chance
I’d run every mile again with you
And be in your arms forever

Deepti Bhat, Oct 2008